Robert J Turner

Feeling a little bit off center today, some things of late took me by surprise, I feel like I have wronged some people but I don’t know in what way, all thing I do I try and do with good intent, I never purposefully do things to upset or harm but being human its inevitable that sometimes something done in innocence can be mis-interpreted, I’m quite tired, spiritually, emotionally and also physically and when I am all three I get rather grouchy and my annoyance can make me a little more out of control and possibly spiteful. All I can do is offer grace and move on, and continue to act with good intentions. Sometimes I see a way to improve things so I jump forward to when perhaps I should step back and think about whether it would improve matters or would it hurt people in the process.

I’m really a “try to please everyone” guy, it gets me in trouble as sometimes you just cant and I have had it said especially in work reviews I have had in the past to learn to say “no”. Anyway, moving away from how I feel I wanted to talk about my walk with God, I find myself singing allot of Christian songs, being church songs, CD’s songs like stuff by Jars of Clay or the Parachute Band etc and I am reading a book on the 23rd Psalm but I’m still not getting time to get into the Word and when I do I feel I am not learning from it. Its so frustrating.

Id also like to widen my friends who I hang out with, moving from one country to another takes you away from friends you grow up with, working for a small company thats just fighting to survive means everyone is struggling with work so no bonds are made there either, with people at church, I’m not the type of person to phone someone and just say “You want to go out?” “You want to go see a movie?”, “Fancy coming over to help with this that or something else?”, its just not me to do that and maybe thats a failing, I never was like that and now it just seems a really foreign thing to do, maybe its a self-image issue, I sometimes think why would they want to come over, Id just be imposing on them. Get this, I went to the store on my own the other day and I felt so good that I went to the store and bought all the right stuff for the right amount, that I drove there on my own and made it home safe, It seems really childish but it gave me a sense of achievement and I was on a high for a while.
I love my wife and she is also my best friend but in some ways she is my only friend that wants to come over, spend time with me and that seems to go both ways as allot of her friends she used to hang out with either moved away or do not come over anymore since we got married, which is really odd. I don’t know where all this blog entry has come from, I think perhaps I am feeling a little dejected. I’m going to phone some of my old friends in England, surprise them and catch up on life, email those I don’t have phone numbers for, get back in the game, call some people I know, setup some fun stuff, shake these feelings of dejection.